Welcome to SR. You found a great place for help and support. Read the stickies at the tops of the pages. They are very helpful. It is very hard to know what's right or what to do in a situation like this. My exabf was active then got sober but it was alot to handle that's for sure. We are no longer together but what i did discover was myself, i attended Al Anon and came to the realization that i was the most important. Keep the focus on you as he is on him. Take care of you
Hugs to you, keep reading and others will be along shortly for support and share their experiences and understanding.