I'm glad you're venting and getting it out Felicia. Not a part of the human race? Hmmm, so who's the person who reaches out on SR and supports her friends in recovery? Try not to be so hard on yourself, it takes great strength and courage to have a productive life in recovery, you're getting there one day at a time.
I haven't had to look for a job in sobriety, I've been at the same place for 13 years so I don't know what it's like to job hunt. But I remember sitting at this desk in 2005, less than a month sober, and feeling like I'd never be functional in a workplace again. I was barely able to punch a few keys on my keyboard and it took everything I had in me to check in a shipment. I also hated the crappy apartment I was living in, but looking back I'm really thankful I had a roof over my head and a place to visit with my children.
Recovery has felt like such a slow process to me, but when I think about how far I've come in a few years, I can't believe how good it's been and I'm glad I was fairly patient while I went through the necessary changes. After 6 months in that little apartment I was able to buy a small home, and now I'm looking for a much larger place for my GF and her family to move into with us. And while my attitude at work was pretty crummy for a long time, I kept plugging away and I've continued to get raises and promotions, I guess that's the benefit of hard work.
If I wasn't clean and sober I wouldn't have any of this. It's hard work, and there are days when it's so hard I think about saying &^%$ it all, but I don't have to think hard about what it used to be like, and I wouldn't trade a moment of my recovery for anything.
Thanks for continuing to inspire me felly
