Don't know if this is the right forum to post in. I'm 21 months sober, but all my other issues seem to be unresolveable at the moment.
I was doing alright in AA, until Feb time, when I started overeating again, and began and affair. I was happy with my sponsor, and I was up to Step 10.
Not long after the affair began, I starting self-harming and inducing vomiting.
I went from feel alright about me, praying daily, doing service, getting to 4 meetings a week, working with others, taking inventory and everything, to eating, cutting, throwing up and having sex
My sponsor told me that while i was living dishonestly, she couldn't help and there was no point working the remaining steps. We spoke once a month at best. She said if I carried on having the affair, I'd drink and I'd die.
I phoned her today, to say I ended the affair yesterday. I feel like crap. She asked if I'd prayed or written anything down. I haven't, all I can think about it how much I'm hurting, and all the practical things I'm supposed to do didn't even enter my mind. I told her I hadn't, and said that she didn't want me phoning her, complaining how I'm low, and not having done anything about it. She said I was free to call her back when I'd put some work in, and she hung up.
I just feel abandoned (again - she 'dumped' me when I was having sexuality issues).
I just feel so horrendously awful. I'm alone, I'm upset, I'm having alsorts of urges, and I just want someone to talk to. There is only one person in AA I know who doesn't 'disapprove' of the affair, and who I could talk to. He is away at the moment though.
I don't know what to do. I'm crying my eyes out, and I want nothing more than to phone the guy I had the affair with, just to have someone to hold me and love me.