I know for sure that if we could love our addicts into recovery, no one would be on this board. Probably the easiest rule of thumb dealing with an addicted child is that if it feels normal, don't do it. The desire to shelter, protect and help that comes with being a mom is behavior that simply helps the addict to continue to use because he has a soft landing. Really tough to come to terms with the fact that the kind and loving acts we do could result in further progression of the disease, isn't it?
The thing that helped me most and actually helped my kids too was to work my own program. It helped me return to some level of sanity...to stop being an anxious mess and to stop drawing lines in the sand that my daughters would cross, only for me to draw a new line.
I haven't seen this expression on here recently but it is so true...Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Meetings and working a 12 step program helped me find my own recovery. My kids had to find their own. But both actually felt better and carried less guilt that they wanted to numb when they saw that I was doing better.
Hope you can find a face to face Alanon or Naranon meeting - Just google the names and you will find a website with meeting locations.
The last thing I wanted to share was that I have learned I need to keep working my program. If I stop because things are good, I slip back to old habits. And the truth is, I love the growth I have experienced and the peace and spirituality I have found. So I want to keep working my program. And I am grateful too that my daughter wants to keep working her's as well. Mom to mom hugs...You made a good choice. HP has him.
