cyclelady,
The biggest mistake I have made over the past 15 years is not listening to my gut, and instead listening to his quacking. Listen to your gut. The more you do, the better you'll get at discerning patterns, behaviors and bs. Pay attention to his behaviors, not his words. For instance, my DH's voice gets higher when he's been drinking. He gets chatty but often isn't focused. He avoids eye contact. Just notice the subtle differences between your sober DH and your drinking DH. Then you won't have to talk to him about it or ask him questions. When you know he's been drinking, have a plan. Whatever it is, keep the kids away from him, get busy, leave the house, avoid serious conversations with him, etc. When you try to function as you normally do and he's been drinking, everything crumbles. You can't have a serious conversation with someone who's drunk. I don't have to ask my DH anymore. I have become skilled at knowing if he's been drinking. I don't look for bottles anymore. I don't try chasing down proof, or worrying about how much or when he's drinking. If he's drunk, my action plan goes into effect.
Meanwhile, focus on you and your kids. Constantly fighting with an A about their drinking is counterproductive. They'll just use your arguing as another excuse to drink more if they aren't in recovery.