What a codie mess!
Okay…I think my codependency is going far beyond my AH! I have become aware of a few things that I have done in the past 24 hours that shows me how entrenched this behavior is! It is really REALLY frightening….
1) Yesterday, I was on the way to work from the airport, and I stopped at Subway. The guy behind me got into a conversation with me, and much to my surprised asked for my phone number. He wanted to take me to dinner. Even though, a) I am not ready b) he wasn’t my type c) I didn’t want to give him my phone number, I GAVE it to him ANYWAY. I was like completely socially inept! I spent the rest of the day not answering “strange” numbers to avoid a call I plan on never taking rather than telling him I was married or decline the offer.
2) My father came over to change the locks on my door. When he hinted around to staying for a while, I declined because I was tired and mentally exhausted. However, I back pedaled as he walked away because I “felt bad” about putting my needs first. Thankfully, he declined, but I ended up “feeling bad” the rest of the night.
3) My mother tends to call me during anytime of the day that she is having a meltdown. Today was one of those days. She was hysterical crying because the people she worked for were being horrible to her. I immediately went into crisis mode. I stood outside of work on the phone for 30 MINUTES and suggested a thousand ways that she could fix her situation, namingly change jobs, which she shot down for various reasons. I felt immediate anxiety, and had to STOP myself from doing JOB searches on the internet at MY work to “help her out.”
4) Then I couldn’t sit still and began to wonder what my husband was doing and where he was. I started to fret about whether he is on the street or not, or whether he is drunk somewhere in his misery. I ended up checking our cell phone account to “check” on when he last used the phone as confirmation that he was still alive.
This is just under 24 HOURS! Hello? Earth to Silverberry come in, Silverberry! I need some serious serious help here. This was the first time that I realized how bad it is and how I have GOT to get a handle on this…otherwise I am in for a real codie treat for the rest of my life.
Input please.
Signed,
Codieberry
