Baxter,
I don't think your a bad mom either. Look here, what these kids have done to themselves is horrible but in the process they have wrecked all our hopes and dreams for them. They have turned our world upside down in one swift kick. We are feeling guilt, we are feeling responsible no matter what we read...somehow we did something to add to this. We have been lied to, stolen from,jewerly stolen,cash gone. And maybe some have has worse maybe some haven't had worse. But having a family member on drugs is no easy task for anyone.
I think as a grown adult I have been through some horrible things in my time, but this drug addiction has been the worst, the most hurtful, the most unanswered, unsolveable rotten problem I think I have ever faced.
There are days I hate her, there are day I hate me, there are days I hate every drug realted person I see on TV and wish I could take an oozie (spelled) machine gun and shoot them all with their drugs. Did I ever think in my wildest dreams one day my daughters would ever be connected to this?
I am sure Baxter you have felt the same way, we all have felt the anger, the hatred, the frustration, the never ending hurt inside. How can you even think about feeling like your a bad or horrible mom because your feeling bitter now. I love my AD but I have hated her, resented her,along the way for all the mess that is in my life now. You also didn't need this now or ever, none of us did. This was a gift none of us deserved but we got it.
We can't treat this like having a rotten BF in our life and just walk away. No, this is a family member , a husband, a child, a mom. And we have spent a life time loving them and looking out for them.
All anyone has to do here is read the stickie above "What An Addict Does" to see what hurt we endure from them because it is an illness. It still hurts and rips us apart and when we have days that we resent them and what they do to us it is ok. We are not God, we are human (remember)........
So don't feel so guilty.....((((hugs)))))
