Hi there
I am sorry you are being treated so poorly. Some of us can easily give advice but have a harder time taking it and I am no exception. But coming to this forum and reading what others have gone through or are going through at the present time has helped me so much to get a clearer perspective on the disease of alcoholism and what it has done to me.
I decided a week ago that I could not take another day of chaos, unpredictability, the ranting and raving when he got home, the disrespect for my feelings and the disregard for anything that did not have to do with him and his needs.
I do not blame him for our break up. I am at fault too. I enabled him. I focused totally on "helping" this guy then resented him when he just wouldn't change. You see this disease makes us all sick and now I need to get better. I need to focus on me because that is all I control. Me. What do I want my life to look like? What do I need? It's been so long since I have even thought of myself.
The other day I googled....How to be more selfish...Pretty bad when you need a step by step guide to being more self focused but that is something I struggle with. I understand your pain...I also understand from your post that you long for something that is not in your control...
My advice to you is to turn your focus to yourself. You at 26 years old. You are young and vibrant and life has so much in store for you if you welcome it in. It won't happen if you are sitting home waiting for him to show up.
Do what makes you smile inside....
Maggie