hmm...well I have given all thats been said thought and as always I appreciate your time to read and respond....I wasnt the everyday drinker, or even every week..I am the everytime I do I take it too far-blackouts etc.... Regardless, I know I need a sponser, I guess you could say my mother in law is my temporary sponser, she is 12 yrs sober...and I would ask to have her full time but I think we both know I should pick someone I am not already emotionally attatched too etc... As far as what boleo said about my figuring out the roots of my alcholism...all I know is that it runs in the family so theres one strike against me...It started out always fun when I began really drinking around 19,20yrs old...and of course I often used it to "numb a stressfull days experience" or " celebrate it being the weekend" bla bla bla...there wasnt per sey any one event that triggered my drinking.. I did attend Columbine Highschool however and was there the day of the shooting- Thank god I escaped the school but none the less have had some issues because of it. I think there is some underlying post traumatic stress going on deep inside me, but its hard for me to find a direct corrolation between the two since the shooting happened when I was 15, and I didnt really turn to booze until a few years later. I dont want to blame the shooting on my drinking problem but I have often wondered how much if any of that happening has to do with the alcholism. Does anyone know anything about post traumatic stress?