The point of this thread is to help LouLou get out of the slump that she is in.
I am an alcoholic and the day I stopped drinking my life became better and continued, slowly, but surely to get better.
I know it's not easy LouLou and it takes a lot of work, but you can do it. If you're dwelling on the past, try journalling. Write down your thoughts, get them out and put them down on paper. I did that, and it really helped. Yoga is also wonderful for waking up your body and helping you to feel present in the moment.