My XABF's mom is his BIGGEST enabler. Lets him live at her house - FOR FREE (he has a job and she lives on SSI), gives him money, pacifies him and tells him 'everything is going to be ok', leaves her house at 2:30am to go pick him up from the bar when he is too drunk to drive. It's really bad. I've tried to talk to her, tell her that she is just enabling him to drink more, suggested she at least TRY an Al-Alon meeting. Not happening. She is a very sweet woman, her and I have always gotten along wonderfully, but she will NEVER stop 'helping' her son - even though she is helping to dig his grave.
Just like I know I cannot control my XABF's alcoholism, I also know I cannot control whether she continues to enable him or not. I am now not only not talking to XABF, I'm also not talking to her. As much as I care about her, she lives just as much in his disease as he does. She even begs me to take HIM back because that would make HIM happy and HE is just SO sad right now. Boo, hoo, hoo!!
I can imagine how you feel. It stinks when you know you are doing everything you can to not enable someone - but then, someone else is stepping in to do everything they can TO enable him.