It's not easy loving an addict. Clean or not. The best thing you can do for YOU and your baby is to get to some meetings.(naranon/alanon) They can be a life saver! (literally) You will hear your story and will connect with those that can understand like no other. (while friends and family think they can---only someone who has walked in your shoes can trully understand what you have gone thru & what you're going thru now)
SR is a good place to be with lots of understanding, hope & strength!
Hugs,
Chris