Maggie,
Another mom here. I understand. You're a mom and when your kid hurts, you hurt. We can't change that. It's a mother's love.
What we can change is ourselves and learn about addiction and how we can handle it better in our lives. I know I wanted quick fix, just like my AD wanted one, but recovery doesn't work that way.
If you haven't been to an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting, I'd recommend you find one and attend. Meetings helped me understand what I was dealing with and taught me so much about myself and how I handle (or don't handle) things. Meetings and the 12 step program has truly changed my life for the better. I'm no longer so scared and angry. I know I can't change my daughter so I have to "let go and let God".
It's hard, Maggie, oh, how well I know. But you can feel better in all of this.
Just keep seeking and reading here and hopefully you can add some face to face meetings to your life.
Prayers for both you and your son,
Hangin' In