Jello - I agree that my recovery did not give me license to mistreat anyone. I also know, though, that there were times when staying clean and not making any more mistakes was the best I could do.
Whether or not his behavior is "right" isn't the problem (to me). As a codependent AND recovering addict, when I focus on what someone else is doing "to me", I'm losing focus on me. More often, than not, I have a part in it because I'm expecting something from someone they aren't giving, or I'm ignoring the fact that I am accepting unacceptable behavior.
That's why al-anon or other support is vital. We learn how to stand up for ourselves, draw boundaries, and live the best life possible, no matter WHAT the addict is doing.
Is his behavior appropriate? I don't think so, but then I'm not there so I can't really judge. Does she have a right to be angry/hurt? Yes, she's been through a lot with him.
My point is simply that being angry/hurt got me nowhere unless it spurred me on to taking care of myself.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy