Hi Jen,
Regarding your husband, it's a shame he doesn't go to meetings but i won't be too alarm with it because at the end of the day if he relapses or not is up to him, meetings or not.
Meetings help to stay focus on recovery, for sure, but i've heard it doesn't work for everyone (or is it excuses i heard? ;P)
Regarding him going back to the States, not sure what to say as i don't know all your story... It might be true that he can make more money in US but i think, since he is in recovery, it might be better he stays in NZ with you and stay clear of temptation (don't know where he used..)
Take care