When I was in second grade my parents bought a boat and joined a yacht club in Maryland and that's where spent every weekend during my youth. At first it started out being fun but after a few years it turned into a place for all the adults to get sh!t faced and cheat on their spouses while all the kids ran around unsupervised.
Anyway, one weekend when I was about 14 or so I rode back with my dad and he had been drinking. It was a one hour drive and 15 minutes into it he was falling asleep at the wheel. I was too young to drive and was too scared to say pull over and let me out. That was the scariest 45 minutes in my entire life hoping I would get home alive. I have a deep seeded lack of sympathy for drunk drivers, especially drunk adults that are supposed to be taking care of their kids.
So these football tickets you have access to... are they season tickets to the Redskins? If so... will you marry me?