Hi baxter, I know we all feel the pain your living with. When my son choose to have drugs in his life it just about killed me. I fight with that every day. It seems to be easier to just push them away and have no contact. Thats our fighting mechamism to stay in a sane world. Not being able to control is what has been hard for me. This site along with counciling and alanon has taught me so much. If not seeing or talking to your daughter will help you to find some serenity then thats what you must do. We all handle our heartache differently but we do agree that we have to put ourselves first now. It's a loosing battle with their addicted minds and we can only pray that someday we will see the real person behind the addiction again. I feel as you do~~if my son returns to his addiction again and I'm aware of it~~~I will seperate myself from him and only be there when recovery starts.... Big hugs, Bonnie