Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us.
Omigosh, I turned into a horrible person when I drank. I was like Carol described, my mood depended on how much I'd been drinking. And, my life became smaller and smaller. I stopped my activities and hobbies, stopped seeing friends, all I wanted to do was to stay home alone and drink.
Don't spend energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty. Early sobriety is a very tough time because you need to really face, completely sober, the messes you've made in your life. But, don't let it overwhelm you because it can drag you back down. You're at the place you are for a reason. You can make a choice to move forward.