Everyone's posting here has really opened my eyes that just like I couldn't cure his eye color or a tumor with love... nor could my love cure his alcoholism. I am good and ready to walk forward alone and safe. Maybe not happy but SAFE and drama free. He's free to finish wrecking his own life but I am only 26, I don't wanna end up with HORRIBLE HORRIBLE stories like I've been reading on here.. I do not want endings like that. I am bowing out gracefully (changing phone number, email address, the locks perhaps) and we briefly have discussed that being "just friends" wont work because of the problems and the history. He creates pain for whoever he's with. Family, friend, fiance, acquaintances, etc.
My hurdle now is not backtracking and missing him and falling back into the same yucky pattern. I don't want to watch him die. I don't want that trauma lodged in my brain for the rest of my life.
thank you all you sweet people... I am truly in awe of how kind and open everyone is. you don't see that a whole lot these days.