Hiya Justsickofit--
Am I wrong to tell them finally that I have to take care of my family, my husband, my children and get his sickness out of our lives so we can be healthy? Am I wrong to suggest to them to quit being his safety net? To let him fall so he can figure out what he really wants? I am just so sick of it!
No you're not wrong! You're living in REALITY and taking care of YOU and YOUR family is your primary responsibility.
You can suggest that they not enable him anymore - but then you have to kind of let it go. They are adults and will make their own decisions. You could send them some reading material about addiction and codependence, but don't have any expectation that it will change their behavior....
Would they consider AlAnon? You could find out the local schedule or tel. numbers and tell them that may be their best shot at restoring THEIR sanity AND helping your brother....and again then you have to let it go and let them do their own thing...
It's very painful but you can really only help yourself in this situation. I had to let go of my attachment to trying to rescue/help my 3 alcoholic brothers many years ago. I was in a lot of pain (my father was also an alkie who got sober/recovered when I was 15) and I stumbled into AlAnon and just followed directions (what I wished my alkie bros would have done!!).
The things I learned in AlAnon really turned my head around in a positive way. So I recommend it to people who are dealing with loved ones who are alcoholics...but it's not the only way as many on here will tell you. There are great books out there-- "Under the Influence" and "Codependent No More" are really great. Also read the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum, some great stuff there. Also one-on-one counseling is a big help in learning how to detach and cope with this situation.
And just try to ignore stuff like the Dr's written diagnosis. Your brother's behavior is all that matters. Not what he says, not what a doctor says, it's what he does that tells you where he's at with his addiction. Anything else is just the duck quacking!
My youngest A brother just moved in with my Mom. He's 35 and...well you get the picture perfectly right? So even though I began this journey of learning to live with this stuff many many years ago - I still need help managing my reactions and my tendency to want to just jump all over this situation....alcoholism is a progressive disease and gets worse over time.
Stick around-- you'll find lots of great help and open arms and open minds here on SR!
Peace,
B.