JustSickOfIt

I’m looking for, I don’t know, validation I guess. I should probably say up front that I am sorry, I am no good at keeping things short.

I have a brother, we’ll call him L. He’s 30 something and has been an alcoholic for years, though he only admitted it to my parents about 2 years ago, when he started going to his first AA meeting. The attendance at meetings didn’t last long, he decided he really was okay and then slowly began drinking again. He’s not the kind to drink everyday; in fact he has lots of good days that help lull the entire family into thinking everything will be okay. But, when he is drunk, L gets quite belligerent and always seems to pick some event from childhood (like my dad coaching his little league baseball team) that he obsesses on and acts as if that event was a defining moment in his life that has caused him to be an alcoholic and make all kinds of self destructive choices (he is horrible with money as well). Conveniently for L, he is usually so plastered that he has no recollection at all of these events. The other thing he does when drunk is call and text friends, sometimes people he hasn’t talked to in a while. He has ticked off a lot of people because the messages he sends tend not to be nice or to make zero sense and he tends to send them in the middle of the night. L has also been known to actually call the Sheriff’s office and harass them about a restraining order that an ex-girlfriend took out on him.

My parents have helped hide L’s problem, provided him a roof and provided him with near total financial support while he went back to school and didn’t work so he could concentrate on his studies and staying sober. Mind you, during this time he ended up with a DWI and checked himself into rehab. There are so many details that I could give, but probably shouldn’t. I have no idea if he ever frequents forums such as these. I kind of doubt it, as of right now he is working on convincing my parents and himself that he is perfectly fine.

Long story short, he finished school, got a great job, then was let go, supposedly for reasons that had nothing to do with drinking or drug use. I forgot to mention, I am quite sure he abuses either prescription (tramadol) or OTC (Vicks 44 and Coricidin) or perhaps both. My parents, doing what they always do, swooped in to save him, moving him back across a few states and into their home. He was barely moved in before he got so drunk that again he ticked off friends and scared some others. I was the unfortunate one to have to make a decision about what to do with L. Having no way of knowing if he would sober up and recognize his mistake, or if he would keep right on using alcohol and whatever else he was using, I made the difficult decision to have him committed for observation and hopefully treatment.

He’s out now and mad as can be at me. Mad first that I put him there and mad second that I wouldn’t come see him. I’ve said I am done with him until he cleans up, moves out of my parents’ house and quits sucking them dry. Emotionally, I cannot be there for him. At first my parents said they would not let him come back and live with them. But, then L began complaining to them how he couldn’t sleep in the place that I put him. Beds are uncomfortable and people snore, and people talk to people that aren’t there. Totally, playing the “pity poor L” game. Never once taking responsibility for current or past decisions that he has made. Once out, L told my parents that he was worse off emotionally and physically then when he was committed. Next he told them that he takes the Tramadol exactly as prescribed and that it is not an addictive medication. I’ve tried to get my mom to get on the Internet and do a little searching of her own, but she wants to believe him so bad and I fear this will only reel her and my dad back in to footing the bill for L and continue to cause a lot of emotional strain on our family. The other kicker was today. L had an outpatient meeting with a psychologist (maybe a psychiatrist?) this afternoon. He came home and happily told my mother that a diagnosis had been made and he had the doctor write it down. He is “painfully normal”. Who makes a diagnosis in a single visit? And how do you diagnose someone with a long history of alcoholism, anger issues and avoidance issues as “painfully normal”? I understand, we all have problems and that is normal. But we don’t all use alcohol, pain pills, etc. to deal with those issues. We don’t all expect the world to just hand us money and hand us jobs and give us whatever we think we are entitled to. My mother seemed so happy about this diagnosis. Not really sure why, it isn’t going to fix him.

I am so fearful that my parents are buying his bull hook, line and sinker. Am I wrong to be angry? Am I wrong to tell them finally that I have to take care of my family, my husband, my children and get his sickness out of our lives so we can be healthy? Am I wrong to suggest to them to quit being his safety net? To let him fall so he can figure out what he really wants? I am just so sick of it!