Just my 2 cents here. Who knows what the exabf told her what he said about you and how your trying to control her. How you want her to change and blah blah blah. I'm sure he had alot to say that things werent that bad and he would change and get better and things could be better with them. I'm sure she still loves him and will fall for whatever he says. Maybe he convinced her you were trying to control her and he never did that to her. There are 2 sides to every story. I bet if you told her if she wants to continue to talk to him that she couldnt stay there that she would leave. Its so hard. I'm sure he hates her being clean cause he lost the control he had and now is trying to get that back. Its so sad that she is falling for his bs. I have been there and always went back. Maybe set up boundries that dont sound like your controling her. Let her think it was her idea. Ya know. It sucks such a hard thing to deal with you want the best for your daughter and have waiting for this day to come for so long. Shes gonna believe everything he says sad, but true cause thats what we do sometimes. It sucks. I hope she chooses recovery and not him.
He is toxic we can see it but she cant she still loves him and thinks he wouldnt want bad things to happen to her. Yet when she was strung out he had control now he lost that control and is trying to get it back by telling lies cause thats what hes good at manipulating her. Shes his puppet he calls the shots. Trust your gut and follow through with things you said you would do but dont back down cause you want to save her. Hopefully she has enough recovery and has seen how good things can be clean vs. being a puppet to some low life. I hope this makes sense its hard to put in words. I have been where she is and now how hard it is to walk away from someone who will promise you the world and make u hate the ones who really LOVE you. Keep your chin up things will work out. Sometimes tough love is what you have to dish out. (((HUGS)))