you're not bad and you're not stupid FD. You're an alcoholic - this crap might be what you do, but it's not what you are, not really. There's a Forever December in you who wants an end to this.
I've been where you are.
You've been fighting it recently and cutting back - you've let it back in and now it's fighting you back.
You can stop it. You're ready when you want to be. Just make the choice.
We're all here to help.
I hope to see you back here really soon.
Tomorrow would be good
D