I am not sure if I think about him when I feel bad or sad because it feels like I think about him a lot. Or things will remind me of him, like if I see the same car on the road or a song come's on. Or all the bad memories I have over his cheating.... Or like right now knowing it is Friday night, which I do have plans but I can remember when I would be with him tonight and all weekend. I do go out with friends and I read all the time, pray etc... I even talk to other men and go on a few dates but I can't let myself get close to them..... I have done a lot over these past months but the tie has not been fully broken. I do not take his calls, so he leaves a message. But I get so mad that he thinks he can still call me that I reply with a nasty email and then he replies back but then it ends until the next month when he will calls again sober or drunk and the same things happens I send an email. I need to stop that....Every time something bads happens to him he calls me sober and says he is done with drinking for good. Why does he call me and not the other women in his life? He keeps reminding me of him and I know that he is with other women, always has been. So to me if he has these other women why still bother me. If he did love me the way he claims then why does he not do anything to fix it all?
I am so mad right now that I still feel for this ass and talk about him. He told me he could not marry me because part of him said no. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN!!! Maybe it is the rejection that I can't get over. Or the fact that a messed up a** is doing the rejection.....But if he rejects me then why does he still want me?