GingerM

This is not the way is always *has* to be. When I left home, I had many behaviors where I would snap or snarl at people, and I didn't know why, I couldn't control it, and I didn't like myself afterwards for the way I behaved.

I finally decided that I wasn't able to solve this issue by myself, so sought counseling. Many years later, and I don't have those "kneejerk" reactions anymore (well, once in a blue moon, usually when someone says or does something that pushes a button I hadn't yet addressed or had forgotten about).

You have it in your power to change your behavior, and therefore how you feel about yourself and your actions. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about your parents' behavior or actions. I think this is the hardest thing to accept and come to peace with. It's taken me nearly 20 years of therapy to get there (admittedly, there were some gaps and a few not-so-hot therapists).

The little girl inside me still wishes I had had parents I could trust. I am now parenting her as best I can. The current day me knows that I have parents who will behave like they have always behaved because they see nothing wrong with it.

But you can change YOU. You might find that, by working on stopping the reactions you have, you will be a more peaceful person and that this, in turn will make more people want to talk to you. Fast forward through a few stages of recovery, and next thing you know, you have intimate friendships/relationships and you feel good about yourself.

Many here will suggest AlAnon. I think that's a good place to start. I, personally, found that counselors specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy did me the most good. Each person must find their own path, but there are many willing to help.