Originally Posted by
SeekSobriety 
Hi Steve!
Thanks for sharing,
While I am not in Australia I am close by in Wellington NZ, on business from California. I have been on and off the sober bus for the past couple years more off it then not
but I think after spending the last 4 weeks here drinking non stop (how the heck does anyone manage it over here ?
) I mean geez, there are more bars here then I have ever seen anywhere in my life. I hit bottom the other night and this is day 1.5 of Sobriety, taking it one second at a time. But I know that life for me is better when I am not drinking, I mean maybe in my mind it is better for me, but looking at all us drunks when you are sober, makes you think, geez I wasted how much of my life doing what? Talking about What? Last night I went for a walk, first bit of exercise I had in a long time, to tell you the truth I finally feel like I just dont want it anymore. This is the first time that I am really thinking F--- that, its time to take our power back, be our real selves. Find freinds that love us for who we really are, not the drunk jeckel and hyde selves. Sorry bro, I hope im not appearing as hijacking your post here or anything, your thoughts just inspired me to speak and I wish you all the best in your recovery.
no hijacking, Im glad something good came out of my last attempt..
I know what you mean about just not wanting it anymore. The past few months, i almost convinced myself that I must not even want to stop drinking because no matter how much I try, I always give in, and turn into this complete idiot - so just ended up giving in to it... and a few weeks ago, it just made me so angry with myself, I DONT want it. I hate it. I hate who I become. I hate that I cant go anywhere unless I am drinking. I hate that I've spent most of my life like this. I hate that unless I am drinking, I feel empty and hopeless. I hate that when I am drinking, I am arrogant and neglectful.
I hate it. But I can never explain why I let it control me. I realised that really, there MUST be a reason. I guess it's because it's been part of my life for over 25 years that I just don't know who I am sober, and feel like I am nothing. I dont know, but I now have the option for proper councelling and I hope with decent people involved in recovery at the clinic, I will maybe find out this time.
So indeed it is a new life, if I can suffer the pregnancy - lol so to speak.
The scary thing is, knowing there is no caesarean section for this baby, has to be the whole 9 months, figuratively speaking. Or else, I just know this time next year, 1 more year will have been flushed away..
(and I know I'll not be able to sleep again, before the docs tomorrow)