lizw

For those of you who aren't Al Anon members, in Al Anon we use this expression to describe denial. I.e. there is a big fat elephant in the lounge but no one mentions it, we just tip toe round it, in case it sees us and tramples us. It's like not mentioning to a loved one that they may have a drinking problem or to anyone at all that your loved ones drinking problem is affecting you. Well, that's how I understand this expression, anyway.

I am mentioning it here because I still suffer from this kind of thinking, in other area's of my life. My sponsor says to me, you're just like your mother. You stuff problems in the back of your mind and pretend they are not happening. It doesn't offend me that she says this either. I know she is right but sometimes it's like I am programmed for that channel called denial and there's not another show on earth that gets a look in.

The other day, I went to an hobby group that I've recently joined. I hadn't been in over a month as something else came up but what I noticed was quite bizzare.

Part of this group, is that we give each other feed back on what we are doing. There is a suggested formula for this too. Comend. Recommend. Comend. So you give your negative comments in between positive ones. It's quite a nice way to do it.

One of the other members of the group gave a recommendation to another member that I never could have done, despite the fact it was a rather important and obvious one and affected the rest of the group. I couldn't have done it because it was too obvious, if that makes sense. Spot the manipulator eh? I did not want to embarrass him. Lol.

But what surprised me about this was not that the guy did it BUT my reaction. I got terribly nervous and it felt like I was waiting for someone to go bananas on it. I was waiting for the yelling and screaming to start. Of course it didn't though because they are all grown ups.

For me it was like I was reminded as to why I attend Al Anon, even though I am no longer in a relationship with an alcoholic. I've spent most of my life living in denial because of fear of telling the truth but these folks in this hobby group just say it like it is!! And it's fine.

It's moments like these that I am glad I am in recovery. I just never expected this hobby group to be part of it!!

Liz