abs - I totally know how you feel. Out one day, in the next. Just before rehab I felt that I was about to close the door on this chapter of my life. During rehab, I was looking back in the door to make sure I was doing the right thing. Now after he was kicked out, I'm in limbo again.
You know I"m starting to slowly realize that I may not have a choice but to leave him. Yes, it will hurt, but it can't hurt any more than all of the drama that I've lived. In reality AH has never been what I've needed. Never an equal partner, never someone to take things upon himself etc. With him being at his mom's I'm trying to limit contact with him etc. But I tell you, I've done this dance for about 15 +- years. At 37 years old, I just want to be happy. I want to trust, to smile, to love. I AM truely starting to see the addiction side of it from my point of view. My addiction to him. Read Chino's signature line. I've always had the immature love. It may be love in his capability, but it's never satisfied me. But I am on the same teeter totter that you are. Up one day, down the next. The only thing that I can suggest is cut contact - all contact, even text until you can put enough time and space in this to make a concrete decision.