((((Anabus)))) be kinder to yourself my friend! The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself.
I agree with the ideas of the gratitude list - I did this when my abf first moved out. Some days I had nothing I felt I could be grateful for, but I would always have at very least the fact that I had a home, my daughter, and a future I could build to be anything I wanted.
You are withdrawing, and also teaching your mind some new ideas and thoughts it is not familiar with, they will take a long time to become your second nature, like wanting to call him and get your fix is your second nature right now. You are changing the way things work, and your mind just needs some time to catch up with that.
It ok, nothing worth while is quickly obtained! Be patient with yourself, and give your self some loving care. You are right were you need to be, today will pave the foundations of the future, and you will find serenity and love from within.
I find meditation a great way to clear my mind and relax. Have you tried it?
Also, I found that at first I had to force myself to get things done, because my mind was so ready to sit and dwell on my hurt. If I listened to my mind, I wouldn't do anything but stay in sadness. So I made a daily planner and organised my free time so that I got what needed to be done, done. It was hard I really had to be strict with myself and force myself to do things. It kept me going, it kept me acheiving, which gave me good feelings of accomplishment.
Do you have Codependant no more? In the book Melody talks about giving yourself some goals. Small ones that are easily achievable, and bigger ones that you can work toward. Make a list, say of 10-15 things, and get doing. As each day ends, tick off your accomplishments and congratulate yourself. It builds confidence and self esteem.
Don't worry how small it may seem, my list had things like ''buy a new kettle'', ''sort old clothes for charity'' etc and also bigger ones like ''have a holiday just me and my daughter'', which financially I may not be able to accomplish for quite some time, but the point is, I have identified it as something I WANT to do for ME, and I am working toward it.
Hope you feel better,
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
PS - It is 6 months since my abf moved out and I am still working on being a happy me, give yourself time, and lots of it!
