Anabus, your post made me remember the desperation, anxiety and depression I felt when my EX and I broke up. I had to deal with the woman he cheated on me with on a daily basis for a month (still can't believe I made it through that), but with time - lots, like at least a year, I started being glad I was not with him and feeling fulfilled with my friendships and other interests to the point of not even being sure if I really want a boyfriend/man (If you knew me you would be shocked).
I have been dealing with my emotional needs that led me to my codie ways, accounting for some unhappy posts, but overall life is better than it was with ex and I NEVER thought I would say that.
You sound like you are certainly feeling desperate and anxious and unhappy - I am beginning to think/see, that no one can fill that but you. If you give someone else that power it would make for a needy relationship.
I am thinking of you. Give yourself time.