Baby Steps
I made my first baby step last night. I have been pondering the idea, without having quite the courage to go to Alanon for about a year. So I made my first step last night and I finally made it to the meeting. I have became such a bitter and angry person over the years and it isn't healthy for me, my kids or my marriage. I was finally able to walk through the doors and open up that chapter of my life with the intentions of doing it to help myself. Yes, of course I hope that someday my AH will follow suit, but for now this is what I need to do for myself. A year ago I wouldn't have made it out the door when my AH told me it would be the end of our marriage and that they will only tell me to leave him and to give him ultimatums, and to have a good life. I still made it to the meeting and was pleasantly surprised to find out that all the other women there are still married to their husbands. It felt very promising to me. So here I sit a day later still still over whelmed with emotions, my AH still isn't talking to me and is still angry with me. But I feel a bit of piece, because I know that I am taking the first step to helping myself and my kids and my marriage.