Great topic.
If I didn't go to Al Anon, I believe my (13 year old) daughter would no longer be living with me.
I have been told, one parents how they were parented, and my parents way of dealing with me once I hit 13 was to ship me off to live in welfare homes because they did not have the skills to parent me as a teenager.
I believe I have learnt these skills in Al Anon, these include but are not limited to
- not over reacting.
I.e. her school contacted me last week and said she's skipped a class. While my imediate reaction was one of anger, that past and I decided it would be wise to 'pick my battles'. She has never skipped school before so why do I need to freak out. I haven't mentioned it to her but stored it in my memory so if it turns into a habit, I can address it calmly.
- listening to her.
No matter how silly/bizzare her opinion is as everyone is entitled to one.
Just because I listen to her though doesn't mean I have to believe her or agree with what she's saying.
- making her feel bad for days on end for misbehaving.
If she behaves in a way I think is harmful to me or to herself I deal with it then and there. I.e. take her cellphone for a week. I don't harp on about the incident, for days on end to make her feel bad. Or bring it up again and again.
I could go on forever but Al Anon has really saved my relationship with my daughter 150%. Long may it last.
:ghug