Originally Posted by
justaboutus 
But what's the possibility that he'll actually go to counseling? or to an AA meeting? The Alanon people here and my therapist say that A on average makes three good attempts (and hundreds of false starts) at quitting before they actually do.
I haven't asked my counselor yet, but should I expect a good attempt after separating? Cause that's going to be hard to resist.
What is your experience with separating?
Hi, JustAboutUs!
I'd be happy to tell you a little bit about my experience with separation.
I've been married to my husband for almost seven years. Last year, after tiring of his "attempts to moderate", and the verbal and emotional abuse that had become standard behavior for both of us, I had my fill of living with an alcoholic.
I told him to choose: his family (we have a beautiful three year-old son) or the bottle.
He choose the bottle.
I was not surprised.
My son and I stayed in a motel for several days while AH drank himself silly. He didn't eat or leave the house for 4 days.
When I came back to the house to pick up some clothes he told me that he was checking in to a 30 day inpatient treatment facility.
I was sick, too. Part of me didn't want him to get help - I just wanted him to self-destruct so that I could be done with him, so that I could know that I was right to leave.
The treatment center my husband entered offered extensive couple's and family counseling. I choose to participate in these programs, and I began to find my own recovery.
My husband completed his in-patient treatment at the end of March, but that was only the first step in his path to recovery.
Today, he lives at home with us again.
Thus far, he has been unable to maintain sobriety for much longer than 30 days.
But, I am at peace. (most of the time - I'm still working my recovery from codependence).
Alcohol has not left the picture entirely, but there is no hatred in my house.
There is no abuse.
There is love, but there is also an understanding that the future is uncertain -that our marriage may not survive this disease.
In my case, separation spurred my husband to take some action to help himself.
It did not solve all of our problems.
My life did not turn into a fairy tale.
It turns out that he was only half of our problem - I was the other half.
Best wishes to you!
-TC