Thanks for bumping this up LTD. It's all very interesting stuff, definately worth looking into deeper!
Going back months here - At one point I was getting really annoyed with a person at work who just irritated me constantly as he was always complaining, moaning, groaning, the eternal victim, and it just sapped my energy to be around him.
I realised that I was spending all my time at home with the abf and feeling like a victim myself, and I really did not want to listen to more from him while at work. I did not acknowledge his issues as important to him as mine were so much worse! In my mind I was constantly thinking he did not know how good his life was.
Through my bhuddism classes I had learnt about compassion and empathy for others but I was in no mood to apply any sort of understanding to this persons sufferings, as I was so caught up in my own. Plus I was always allowing his mood to bring mine down, I couldn't keep cheerful when he was near.
Eventually came understanding, the poor fella has his own problems, which I may think are trivial, but to him they are important obstacles to his happiness. I developed empathy for him and compassion for his sufferings.
Now months later, we get along much better. He still complains, but not as often. We laugh things off instead of allowing the feelings to permeate the day. I have learnt to say things like 'you are just a ball of sunshine ain't ya!?' and keep it light, sometimes I ask him what he is doing to help himself out, rather than trying to solve for him, better yet, I am getting better at not responding to it at all!
The whole uncomfortable relationship we had was definately more about me than him. I changed my perceptions, and my relationship with him got better.
It is interesting that the more I felt like a victim I saw victimhood in him.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx