Your on the right path!
Bless your hearts. You seem to want what you dreamed of as much as I do! It's just so hard to let go sometimes. I love mine completely, and I hate the pain he causes himself, but I refuse to partake in his drama anymore. I miss what could have been, but I'm trusting my HP to handle it and keep me sane, and I'm so grateful that I have the gift of our kids to fill my time right now.
What a blessing you have to have control over life now. This site has such wonderful people on it. In the last year, I've learned to say "Thanks for Crack, God". I know it sounds crazy, but I'm nearly fearless now. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? If there was an Olympic event for how much mental anguish one person can endure there are a bunch of us here who would be gold medal contenders!