Thank you JMFburns! I'm so glad to be here. My main focus has been my daughter and myself, but I have found that on those bad days, I fall back, call my ex and it all starts up again.
The sad thing is I emailed his sister and mother yesterday trying to explain to them in a nutshell what exactly was going on, since his mom lives in San Fran (has no idea or is in denial) and his sister is busy with work and school, they don't know the shape he is in and I got no response from his mom and barely any feedback from his sister. And I started thinking, how can I make this better? How can I make him understand what he is doing? How can I make him understand that he is missing out on his daughter's beginnings? It made me sad and I found myself crying again. But then I think about my beautiful daughter and I just keep going knowing that it will all turn out ok. I need to keep telling myself that he will make his own decisions and there's nothing that I can do about them. It's hard but I'll be ok.