I just want to welcome you too and tell you that your story touched my heart. Please don't underestimate the trauma that you have been through. I know that, for me, the insane life that goes with living with an addict and make the life of insanity appear "normal", it's what we know, and it can be scary taking those baby steps of recovery into a better and healthier way for us to live.
Like others here, meetings literally saved my life and gave me hope for a better tomorrow. That promise of better days to come has come true for me and regardless of how my addict (my son) is doing (not well)...my life is happy and filled with light every day.
I'm glad you joined us on this journey of recovery and hope you know you are among friends here who understand.
Hugs