Hi Boggled,
Welcome to SR. You've found a great place for love and support with people who understand what you are going through. I am the mother of an addicted daughter and I certainly understand you story.
At some point of our daughter's using, we had to decide if we were going to accept an active user in our home. It's amazing how the disease of addiction (it's a family disease) can confuse your thinking, but we actually struggled with what to do when, if we saw this in someone else's home, we'd know exactly what THEY should do --- it's a no brainer.
We were fortunate enough to be pointed in the direction of Al Anon and began attending meetings. There was so much we didn't know about addiction and didn't have a clue as to how to handle our daughter. We started learning about how we should set boundaries, how we did have the right to have a peaceful home, how we were contributing to the mess in our lives. NO, we didn't cause our AD's addiction, we can't cure it and we can't control it. But our reactions (good grief, I was the queen or reacting) were making the situation worse.
No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do. One thing I can tell you is when I started educating myself by attending meetings, I began to get a grip back on my life. I am powerless over my AD, and until she wanted to get clean and sober, there was nothing I could do. And believe you me, I tried EVERYTHING and wore myself to a frazzle trying to get her sober.
I have an Al Anon sponsor who is what we call a double winner...she has 25 years in Al Anon and coming up on 23 years sober. She says any addict will have a chance of getting better if we quit putting the pillows underneath them to break their fall.
I will keep you and your sons in my prayers because I know how scary this is. Please try to find a meeting in your area. I wouldn't take anything for the knowledge and support I've gained through meetings. They literally saved my life.
Hugs,
Hangin' In