rambling along with chi
Thank you for a very interesting read Chi. What you are saying makes perfect sense, we seem to be on very similar paths right now, guided by what I consider to be the most important tool available to all of us (not just addicts): ideas. I've been doing a lot of research since I was young, and have many sources to support my personal point of view. My field is psychology, and that's where I see it all take form. So let me be as controversial as you are for a moment 
The amount of brainwashing going on around us is literally mind numbing. Not just by the usual suspects such as the media, but also by seemingly "harmless" hunters that most of us respect such as medicine, religion, our peers... We are constantly targeted by ideas that are simply untrue, and we take them for granted, sometimes unconsciously. "You are not good enough", "withdrawal is a nightmare", "you shall go to hell", "the only was to be successful is by being the best", "once an addict, always an addict".. You get the picture. Falling prey to this monumental tidal wave of influence is not a character defect, we are not victims. It just happens. But I do think that, when we become aware of it, we must be responsible; held accountable by how we allow it to affect all areas of our lives.
The world is built on ideas. Ideas are not negative or positive in themselves, they just are; but they do affect the way we lead our lives. I'm not babbling from a philosophic point of view, it's so easy to spot this notion acting on other people. Ever seen that beautiful girl who thinks she is bad looking and nervously hides in the crowds? Or the guy who just knows that he is crazy, so he goes doctor shopping until one finally confirms his worst suspicions? The addict who is SO convinced he is a hopeless case that he acts accordingly? Yup, I see it every day.
The sad part is, all of use do the same thing to ourselves, in one way or another.
So the universe is mental. That is an ancient precept. I was talking to a dear friend right here on SR... Discussing a character in a book we'd both read that had a deep impact on both of us. I argued that the character was not just a figment of our imaginations, a fantasy created by the author. To me, that character is more haunting and real than the people living in the flats below mine. The idea of him is a presence so real that he indirectly led me to college; my neighbours only exist when they are having a fight in the middle of the night, or when I see them in the elevator. That's not me being arrogant, self involved or self centred. It happens to all of us, right here on SR. To you, right now, I'm no more than a rambling presence on the screen, but you're thinking about me; when was the last time you thought about that kid who always wore a green shirt to class in second grade?
What's the point in all of this? Well, I think it's time to start a process of counter-brainwashing by defying all of those ideas that tether us. By seeing things for what they REALLY are to us, not by what somebody else told us. SR has taught me that people DO get sober, that is IS possible. I hold on to that idea, and let go of the rest. Whatever we pay attention to will expand, just like a balloon. That's not to say that some stuff must not be acknowledged and worked upon. But I like it when you call yourself "controversial". I think that it's good to ruffle feathers, to question what we usually take for granted and assume as "the truth". When I stopped drinking several weeks ago, I decided to call myself an ex-drinker, and to defy what I'd been told. And, so far, the process of quitting has not been a hellish nightmare; on the contrary, it has been quite enjoyable. Right now, alcohol doesn't cause a bleep on my radar. I am not ignoring the elephant in the room, I am just allowing it to deflate. And I'm not being cocky or arrogant, I'm all too aware that I'll probably never be able to drink again (that is one idea I'm not willing to question ). But "facts", well...these days I'm weary of them.
We are what we think we are. And statistics are frightening: it has been calculated that an average (non fried ) person averages 100,000 thoughts a day, and that up to 90% of those thoughts are negative. Waaaay too much "i'm not xxxx enough", "I can't do xxx because xxxxxx"... It doesn't matter if we ourselves came up with the idea or if it was *told* to us directly or indirectly. What does matter is that we consider them given, irrefutable facts. There is a huge difference between considering yourself an addict in perpetual recovery and a recovered addict - I question AA constantly, but I'm pleased to see that several "hard line" AAers here advocate full recovery. They believe in that. I do too. I'd like to eventually think "I used to drink heavily... but I don't anymore". And leave it at that.
So why not go to school? Why did you think you weren't pretty? Why did you think that you'd never recover? Chi, be controversial and turn those ideas upside down. You can go to school, you are pretty, and you can recover. Just grab those ideas -the positive ones, the ones that work for you - and make them yours.
Last edited by Mattcake; 08-06-2008 at 01:16 PM.
Reason: spelling