Late October 2005....actually I realized it many many years before that, while I was trading away my life for booze.
But October 2005 was my moment of clarity.
The wife asked, "do you know what your son (9 at the time) was doing last night.
Me, "no" (she knew I didn't know, I wasn't home to know and I was far to hungover to point that out)
The wife, "he was across the street explaining to his friends where his dad was at"
I don't know why this crushed my ego, kind of like the straw that broke the camels back. It became quite clear that I was passing my shame and guilt onto him, teaching him to lie. I have no right to do that to him.
I have three older children, all in college and I put them through quite a bit. When my youngest son was born I saw a new chance to be the father I hadn't been. I abstained from alcohol for four years and he and I were very close.
During those four years of doing it myself I began to excersize my power over alcohol, hanging out with old friends looking for that missing ingredient to my happiness. I excersized my power over alcohol right up until the day I took a drink again. And my life came unravelled.
That afternoon in late October 2005 I became aware that I'll never be the person I want to be and use alcohol. Even after that day I had to try it a couple of more times, the pain was unbearable, the booze and drugs absolutely would not work anymore. November the 2nd 2005 I said "My name is Ron and I'm an alcoholic" and began a life of daily reprieve from alcohol.
Peace