When I found this forum there weren't many posts that ticked me off. A group of supportive members made suggestions and were still here for me if I didn't take that advice or if it took me some time to understand it. They also shared their experience and that experience gave me the courage to try what they practiced in their lives. It worked for them and it just might work for me. I had successful role models. It seems we each might need something different and there is no right way for everyone. I did better with the soft approach and the laughter we shared was so important. I hadn't laughed in years. I was able to grow without being ticked off. I was told the hard painful facts, but that didn't involve someone telling me what I "should" do. Nothing I shared was meant to avoid responsibility or stay in my misery. I just needed to talk about it at first.
I see others here that are very thankful for receiving the posts that ticked them off. That's what helped them the most. What works for one might not work for another.
A lot of the fights on this forum are challenging what another poster posted instead of sharing on the original topic. I've seen it go both ways. I like having choices and like choosing from your experience and trying something I can live with in my own life. I am not wrong for making a choice that differs from the advice given. As time goes by I've learned to live with a lot more. Having a variety of shared experience helps more people at different levels of their recovery. There were times when advice didn't seem quite right here so I went to one of the other forums to get suggestions. Sometimes those who have been there had a different way of looking at things. There is no black and white in my recovery. I take each circumstance as it comes and try to do the next right thing.
I do think a newcomer needs time to absorb information before being "ticked off". If they don't ever return those posts don't help them much. I've seen many new members walk out of here before they reached 10 posts. I knew absolutely nothing about addiction or codependency when I first got here. I never once told anyone my story. I kept my pain hidden from everyone. It was important to share my pain and know someone understood. I needed time to build trust in others. I needed to talk. I didn't have one person in my life that recognized my pain or even acknowledged it. In fact I was criticized for being too sensitive so I kept it all a secret. My recovery came from establishing relationships here and trusting them enough to listen to what they had to share. I had to work through guilt and shame and get past a lot before I could take action.
I don't believe anyone shares so they can stay in their misery. I've seen members take 3 years here before they suddenly blossomed. We can't be in charge of someone else's recovery time table. We can't judge their inward progress. A lot of changes can be made on the inside before it ever shows on the outside.
I agree that if something triggers an emotional response it is something within me that needs to be worked out, but that doesn't always mean the cause of the trigger is right. It just means I react to it inappropriately. The learning experience for me is to learn to react differently. That doesn't mean I have to agree with the post or that the information was right "for me". Unless we are robots things will occasionally trigger an emotional response.
Balance is good. Offer what you have. It will help someone.