My opinion on the usefulness of this board..
When I found SR, I was looking for validation. Someone to agree with me that I was the poor victim of my AH’s drinking. I wanted to be told that I was doing everything right and he was doing everything wrong.
When some people with more wisdom than I started pointing out errors in my thinking, I got offended. Who were they to say I was wrong? HE was the one causing all the problems in my life. If only HE would quit doing what HE was doing, I would be just fine, thank you very much.
Shortly after I started posting here, I also got into individual therapy. And damn, if she didn’t start pointing out to me where my thinking and actions were screwed up!
The usefulness of this board, in my opinion, is not in the venting, commiserating, or perpetuating of codependent behaviors. The usefulness is in the sometimes difficult to hear messages that we only get one life, and the choices we make determine what that life will be like.
I hated to hear what I needed most to hear. It’s damn difficult to admit that I alone was responsible for my misery. OUCH! But, I am eternally grateful to my therapist and the posters on this board who kept sticking the truth right in front of my face, over and over until I was finally ready to see it. If not for them, I would never have looked inward and done the hard work of changing.
For those who just want someone to agree with them and put all the blame on the alcoholic, you will likely find others here to join you and share the misery. But, for those of you who really want your life to be all that it can be, take a good look at the posts that tick you off. That is where you will find growth.
L