Thanks Sealover - do you happen to recall the Author?
Thanks to this place (and all of you people), I am focusing more on me (I was before too, but now I have a better understanding of the roles I was playing and especially the need to take care of myself). I never thought with the perspectives that have been mentioned here (or with the outside view you helped me see thru your own experiences or pointing out things about mine)and that has been transforming for me.
I know that emotions have always been difficult for me to express. She gets me to another level of emotional intensity (not always in a positive way) and maybe that is what I am seeking. A way to get to those emotions I usually can’t tap into. Just a thought, and I think that book will be good for me. It’s just always so easy to see the other persons faults instead – especially in this case when they are so blatant.
She came over last night and we spoke. Of course she had the excuse that I was upset so she didn’t call or come over. When I pointed out that I had been nothing but neutral or supportive over the last week she said she realized that. Now it’s up to me to be in better charge of myself and my action to better myself. The secondary effect of that will be her needing to “own” her responsibilities instead of placing them externally on me like she has up until this point.
Still the problem of her addiction looms overhead. She has all the excuses and reasons that she can’t stop. She doesn’t want to abandon her family, I’ll leave her and she’ll be alone, she can’t trust herself, she can’t let her boss know, she’s a lost case and beyond help. Of course her family, who all use, and enable her tell her NA is a waste and you need to do this or that. Meanwhile (as I told her) you are listening to them and not your counselor and I who don’t have drug issues and are more balanced people. Fact is we hear what we want to hear. I have encouraged her go on to the many sites available (or NA) to chat with other people who have been in probably very similar shoes and made the walk she is so fearful of. Talk to people who have had success, it can be done and thousands have.
So, for now my goal remains the same. Keep cool, collected, and non-reactive. Forge thru the withdrawals when she is not there or doing the right thing and NOT let her push my buttons!! I’m sure I’ll be back when I need a pep talk or to vent, but thanks again to everyone on these boards.