SoBearish, Wow can I relate!
I knew I had a problem LONG before I quit drinking. My husband had approached me several times with that exact attitude (you just need to slow down, drink less, don't drink at home, etc.) Well, I could not do that. In fact I had that exact discussion with him the night before I hit bottom. He actually told me that I was not an alcoholic because I did not drink every day. My bottom was not pretty and it definitely woke him up. I wish it didn't have to be that way but truly it was a blessing as now there is nothing but support from him in my recovery. He asks about meetings is I miss one of my regulars for some reason. I love it! And after a couple of months seeing the changes in me, he went to his first Alanon meeting.
That is HUGE! He is totally a guy that believes in sucking it up and getting over things. He also believes in the power of willpower and the "God" stuff bugs him but you know what? He has accepted me with all my faults and is happy with the changes. I don't talk recovery all the time and and I believe in keeping my anonymity. I must say that our relationship is better than it ever has been.
I guess what I am trying to say is that once I accepted that I was an alcoholic and that is not the worst thing in the world, I became willing. There is this book called Living Sober and it is great. There is this section (first 10 pages) on comparing our alcohol problem to an allergy just like other people have food allergies and have to avoid those foods. There could be a LOT worse things to be allergic to than alcohol! I had my husband read it and it made much more sense to him than the other recovery literature he has seen.
We are here for you, keep talking! :ghug