Went to work yesterday. RAH had a talk with my daughter.He told her that we are having problems and drinking was a problem. He told her he has quit drinking and he goes to meetings to not drink, be a better parent and spouse. He told her that he realizes that he has not been "around" in th elast 5 years and it is reason why we are having problems. He said that it had nothing to do with them, but he does know that the kids have lost respect for us and he is going to do something about that. He acknowledge the strain of his relatioship with our 14 yo son. He said that because he has not been there for him in the past. BUT that has changed. He NEVER talked about the drugs. I don't know if that was the right thing or not. He acknowledge the drinking. He felt he stayed on her level. I cannot control what he tells her and really feel that I need to stay out of their relationship. You are right that this is his crisis to feel and to step up to the plate with her. I know I cannot protect her from the pain. I can't do it any more, no matter how much I love her. He said she didn't have too many questions.
She seemed fine when I got home. BUT I did notice that she was folding clothes and straigtening up when I walked in. She was trying to make things perfect for when I walked in. That is not for her to do. She is a child. I do not want her to think she must become codependent to fix things! That is the last thing I want. I didn't have the right time to talk to her, but plan to today. I will use the opportunity to address using life's struggles as either good or bad. We need to use them to strengthen ourselves.
And when I walked in, my RAH came up to me to kiss me hello! I was taken back and did not respond to him. I do not know why. I have been wanting affection, but I did not know how to accept it. After all this time,... After him not being able to say if he loves me or that he has resentments toward me. When I was looking for answers. It was only that one time,...
I do feel better today. I feel a little burden has been lifted. I know there is a reason for everything. I am trying not to think about what he was doing/thinking by not addressing the addiction disease and drugs with her. As for me, I know that I get the codepent part and the addiction part,....I guess I really need to learn HOW to focus on my joys. I really do not know what they are.....HOW PATHETIC! Working has been good. I do feel the guilt of my kids. I feel by working part of me has abandoned them! I do feel the cycle of guilt, anger, pity,...I know I do feel like the frog in the water that has slowly heated up! My legs and mind are not strong to hop. I do feel stronger than a few months ago and a few weeks ago.
Thank you all for your support, opinions, words of wisdom, ...just being there. I will pray for strength and wisdom to know what my HP has for me. And I am grateful for my kids and complete strangers online who have supported me.