I am so sorry for you. I know how you feel. I am going through the same thing with trying to save my house, because my husband is about to lose yet another job because of his drinking. I have also many times in the past called his boss to make excuses..it was so often that I invented a non existant "bleeding ulcer" for him that at times kept him out of work - he also had a family dr that had no problem giving him medical notes to go back to work without repercussions, that was until he finally did what I knew he would do all along and show up to work drunk. Well they sent him home and is currently on suspension. He is covered by a union - so they are fighting for him to keep his job, as they think he is recovering while on suspension. Yes he is getting therapy and yes he is taking a medication to curb the drinking and is doing much better but still drinking a couple of times a week to excess.
I stoped making excuses for him at work and with people he constantly lets down. It is just to exhausting. He is on his own. I know he will eventually lose the good job that he has (my AH) and there is nothing I can do about that.
I am doing what I can to save my house as I to do not want to destoy my financial future over this. It is hard. Some say it is an excuse not to leave, but the honest to god's truth is I don't want to ruin my credit, because then I really have no where to go. I work really hard and love my house - why should I allow him to take it away from me. He has already taken so much from me on an emotional level.
I wish I could give you some advise that will help. The first thing you need to do is stand behind your threats to leave. I stopped making them a while ago because I know that I am really not ready to leave yet becuase of what everyone would think. The shame of this whole thing kills me inside. I have however set boundries for myself and when ever he is drunk I remove myself from the situation. I no longer give him money once he is out for him to purchase booze, I no longer pick him up when he needs a ride, I no longer call his job to make excuses, I no longer baby him when he is sad and crying from the depression the booze seems to make worse. I recently also stopped monitoring his medication - if he wants to take it, it is entirely up to him. I am done being a mother.
I want a life for myself and even though still in this relationship, am slowly learning to just distance myself from it and do things for me that make me happy.
I know I am still a mess as I make excuses with MY own family for him all the time. Hopefully I can try and work on that next. The sooner it is all out in the open the sooner I can start to get rid of some of the shame and embarrassment I feelt.
I just wanted to let you know I understand exactly what you are going through.
One thing I want to say is if you know he is driving drunk you must call the police and report him. He does not have the right no matter how much he thinks he does at the time to possibly take the life of another family, or someones, mother, father, brother, sister, etc. Don't give him that power. You can take charge there and do the right thing to protect others on the road. It does not matter if he will be made or upset with you. Just do it. You will feel better inside knowing you may have just saved someones life.
A good friend of mine I work with. Her husband also a A was drining drunk, ran out of gas and decided to cross over a majory roadway. Well he was drunk and hit by a car and killed on inpact. This was over 5 years ago and she is still living with the pain of having not called the police to report that he was driving drunk - becasue she did know about it. This caused pain for her child who lost a rather and for the man and the family of the man that hit him - this man will have to live with this for the rest of his life. I know it is out of our control and they are going to do what they want regardless of what we say and do, but I always promised my self that if my ah drives drunk I am calling the police - I have done it in the past and thankfully he has not done it again, but should he choose to - I will do the same thing.
No one has the right to drive drunk and put the lives of others in jepoardy.
Email me if you ever want to talk. I wish you so much luck and will say a prayer for you. I am so sorry you also are going through this. You life sounds just like my life....