Welcome! I too am asking if you've read the stickies at the top.
My personal experience. I finally found out about my AH's addiction after asking for a divorce. It all makes "sense" now - such as it is. But, bottom line, good for you! it's so hard, heartwrenching, etc. But you need to do what you can do for yourself right now. It's the only thing that will help. Not necessarily force the addict to admit or get help, but certainly a step closer to his bottom for help. It's what needs to be done.
I'm sorry you're hurting and missing him - you are so strong! Hope you stick around!
Lots of hugs (((hugs)))