Wow, those are really moving words. Thank you for sharing your story. I fell in love with someone who I did not know was an addict. The more I fell in love with him, the more I found out. He "used" to be an addict and then went into rehab and came out taking suboxone. Well, the more and more I research, the more I know he still is an addict.
He is also a suicidal addict. He says he wants to be off the sub but he can't handle ANY withdrawls. Sometimes he runs out early and uses in between scripts. My eyes are wide open now. All the lies, the hiding, the depression, the moodiness. The man I fell in love with is no where to be found. He throws me a crumb every now and again and I cling to it for dear life.
I believe I have truly stared the devil in the eyes and it scared me but mostly, it made me sad to know how great he is and to know there is nothing I can do but sit back and watch him kill himself slowly.