Cassey

I think that I am going through some sort of depression right now, I am letting myself go.

I went to weight watchers and actually started working there for a bit. I lost a good amount of weight and I had never felt better in my whole life. I was exercising, and walking and I had so much energy, I just know people could see it. I started going to a gym and I thought all of these things were for me. I was enjoying it, I liked going to the meetings, I like the way that I was looking, I was so proud that I could get in a size four, I dont think I was ever in a four in my life. I was excited and happy.

I had so many people tell me how I was looking like I had cancer and what was wrong with me. Once I got to 120 pounds I was maintaining that weight as I am only 5'3 and that is a really good weight, 115 is the lowest and 141 I think is the high range for that height.

I was so strong when I was going through this, nothing could detour me no matter what anyone said, I was determined to get to what I wanted and what I thought was the best for me

I have not gotten on the scale in atleast 6 months, I am now in a size 10 and I know that I am spiraling out of control, my addiction is food. I keep saying everyday to stop and that I will start eating healthy again, but I dont.

I am knowingly destroying what I worked so hard for. I am destroying my body. I know that it is not to late and that I can do something about it before it really gets out of control. But where do I find that strength??????

I feel like I have lost myself again, I am letting myself get pulled into self destruction.

I think what felt so good is that I was focusing on me and my needs. I was on a mission a mission for me!!!

How do I get me back as I feel like I am slipping away again. I have a lack of energy, I dont want to do anything, I am starting to not want to get off the couch again, I am literaling eating to feel better. I want to be alone, I have no patience with my kids, I just want to be left alone most of the time to wallo in self pity.

One thing that I know that is good, I am recognizing my actions and I am reaching out for help. I know also that no one can help me I have to help myself and I have to pull myself out of this. I just dont feel like I have it in me right now, but I know that I have to find it and get it in me, before it gets worse.

I keep saying baby steps, get on the treadmill for just five minutes, but when I go downstairs and I look at it, it makes me sick why??????