About a week ago my AH came home drunk and had an absolute tantrum! He starting yelling at me in the driveway about how the house was dirty, nobody appreciates him, quack, quack, quack. Then he went in the house and starting throwing things. This scared me and my son, so we ran to our neighbors house to call my mother to come pick us up because I was not going to stay in that environment (he hasn’t had a tantrum like that in years). Well, while I was waiting and crying hysterically in front of our neighbor, I spilled the beans. Well, the whole can, actually. I told our neighbor about the last nine years of DUI’s, the nights my AH didn’t come home, the drinking every night at the bar, how my AH’s accident involved alcohol, etc, etc, etc. My neighbor said he knew my husband wasn’t around much, but didn’t know exactly what was going on (I sense the neighborhood has been talking about us some). Well, I was glad to get it all out in the open. I know that everyone in the neighborhood will know now because this neighbor is the big mouth of the neighborhood and can’t keep a secret. Today (a week later) I am really embarrassed that I was crying and acting hysterical in front of him and I’m afraid that everyone around here will treat my kids differently from now on and think that I'm a nut. But a large part of me is relieved not to live the lie anymore. My husband always put on the “good husband/father” mask for all the neighbors, but now they know the truth!
Well, my neighbor drove us to my mother’s house and I was still hysterical and I was so done with the lies and covering up for him (I should have known better)! I called his mother and told her what was going on (they didn’t know he was drinking again and are pretty much in denial about the whole thing anyway, and don‘t think outside help like AA or counseling is needed). The reason why I did this was because every time she calls I hear my older son lie for his father and telling her that my AH’s is working late. That is not right to have a ten year old cover for his drunkin father and I am done with it. They can hear the truth! I don’t want my kids to lie! Well, when my father-in-law got on the phone he heard a bit and hung up on me and my stepfather (who shouldn’t have been on the other extension, but that’s another story). I still talk with his mother but his father (a former alcoholic and very verbally abusive man) is another story.
Well, the last time I left the house a few years ago I set a boundry that stated that my AH was not to drink at home anymore (because he gets obnoxious and acts like a bigger jerk). He has not broken that boundry since. Now I set another boundry stating that he was not to yell at me like that again or throw a tantrum in the house. If he needed “vent” he needed to do it out in his shop or somewhere else, not around us. If he has a complaint he needs to address me in a repectful manner. I’ll admit I’ve been neglecting the house for a while (been having fun with the kids), but that does not give him the right to talk to me like that!
Actually, now I feel a lot stronger today because I have given myself a concrete plan for leaving and a timetable. I'm still embarrassed because I made a fool of myself in front of our neighbor, but I guess that's what happens when you keep things like this secret-they come out eventually. How did your neighbors react when they found out?